By Veronica U.-K.
I understand, being one myself, that women can be quite confusing. I’m using the term “guys” because boys need to learn these things and men, this is just a reminder for you. So here are ten things that should (hopefully) help all of you guys who want to (or maybe really need to) understand women more:
1. We aren’t dressing for you, so we don’t care if you like our makeup, hair or clothes. Girls live wear high wasted shorts (I’m one of them!) But guys hate them…I’m still wearing them, because they’re what I like. Possibly the most important fact: Guys, you are not the ones wearing these clothes or having this style, so it shouldn’t matter to you. (Besides most of you barely have a sense of style, so you have no right to talk–that is unless sweatpants and hoodies become the next finale outfit at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week…Also, if your girlfriend wears these and you don’t like it–I’m just saying–that’s an outward expression of her identity…I don’t think I have to finish this thought. And for the girls who do dress to impress guys, well need I spell out what their personality type is?
2. Contrary to popular belief, we like it when guys are straightforward. Just tell us like it is. There is no need to be mysterious. Honestly, women don’t have time for that. There are other options out there for us. If you like us great! (Or maybe thats a: gahh moment). But at least we will know what we are dealing with. This works both ways, if you give a little a woman will too. She’ll let you know how she feels (or doesn’t know how she feels) and then you both can (ideally) mutually respect each other’s feelings for one another and move on in the relationship.
3. Emotions are okay. Do most women prefer guys who are “manly,” yes but a) that is a scientific attraction b) it is all based on a woman’s perception. It’s okay if you are upset, after work and need to vent–we will be there for you. BUT it is not okay, if all you do is whine about your life, ehem we are a part of that life, so watch it.
4. “I don’t care” truly means “I don’t care.” There is NO difference regarding the meaning of this phrase, due to context, connotation etc. It is what it is. Asking a girl where she wants to go on a date and she responds: “I don’t care.” Means she trusts you to make a decision (points to you) and that she truly does not mind where you end up. Chances are that she is just happy she is spending time with you. *IF you are truly concerned about this, well first of all you should know some of her favorite places, especially if it’s for some special event, and if you don’t ASK! (Going back to #2) SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW IF SHE DOES NOT WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
5. The person who gives out the number, should not be the one to text first. This I understand is a very controversial tip, but just hear me out. The one who is making the most effort, is the one who gives the number–it means that person is taking a chance and is willing to have that other person contact them again. Have the decency to be the one to return this “leap of faith” and text the other back. This is for guys and girls–no gender is obliged to text first, that’s like the saying that men should always pay for a girl’s drink. Sure maybe the first time, but after that this round will be on me, okay?
6. Feel free to check in with us often. If you are unsure about where the relationship is headed because of what happened last night, or the way you were ignored that day, ASK! I feel as though I’m being repetitive, but I think the fundamental problem in any relationship is a lack of communication. There is no reason why a guy should feel insecure or weird asking a girl something about their relationship. Now, remember guys you should be respectful when doing so, simply ask, but remain civil. If you go “dude bro” on us or start out with “so like why…” we won’t take you seriously, because that shows you don’t really care enough about your partner or the relationship. Try instead, “(insert girl’s name), I honestly don’t know what is going on. I feel__because___” and allow the conversation to go on from there. Also note: conversations like these are best done in person–texting just makes the conversation rushed and can cause confusion.
7. You Can Understand a Girl’s Past, Without Knowing It. Maybe you aren’t at the point of whipping out your black books yet, but you don’t need to be. Know that she is the way she is, because her past made her this way. Does she seem hesitant or extra mean on certain occasions? Know this is not your fault. It’s because of the jerk before you, or maybe something else. Acknowledge this possibility for yourself and just let her be. When she is ready, she will open up about it, in her own way.
8. Know that we have lives separate from you.Do girls like surprise dates? YES! But please don’t put us in a position where we have to choose between you and a prior commitment, or can’t, because of that commitment. Girls, this is for you too. So if you want to do something extra special just make a comment like, “Make sure you leave next Saturday night open.” Not only will this drive your partner insane and make the event that much better with all the suspense being built up, but you’re also being considerate of the other person’s other commitments.
9. Women wait for NO ONE. I don’t care how smart or hot you think you are, if you take too long to even talk to a girl, you will have a missed opportunity. I can’t tell you how many times my guy friends waited too long to ask a girl out or even for her number, only to find out she’s talking to someone else. If you like someone, go for it. What are you waiting for anyways?
10. Stop Comparing Women. This is a big topic, so if you have to use the bathroom or want to get the popcorn now’s the time for you to go. FIRST…guys, women unfortunately, compare themselves to other women on a daily (minutely <–is that a word?) basis. We don’t need you to do it for us. Women are taught that we need to have that hourglass shape. Well guess what? That Is actually impossible for 99% of the population. So unless you KNOW that YOU fall under that 1% category of physical perfection, don’t expect it from us. Additionally, guys need to stop comparing women on an intellectual level as well. Granted this is a choice/developmental matter, but so is the choice to go to the gym! Not only is it rude, when guys compare women to other women, but when guys compare women to other guys…Just No. I will be honest, I’ve been called a bitch for saying something that if it came out of a guy’s mouth, it would have been perceived as insightful, or perhaps slightly arrogant, but acceptable.
Traditional, social conceptions of what it means to be a woman in tandem with the multi-platforms of social media available have made comparing women an easier task than ever. Just look on Twitter how many accounts are dedicated to women, particularly teen girls.
Now, I will admit that when I am on Twitter, if I see posts that I can relate to or just think are super funny–I’m going to favorite them (maybe even retweet them) I don’t know, it’s like eating a Wonderball (gosh I miss those) you never know what you’re going to get. And I will like your posts until they stop being relatable/entertaining, I have to use the bathroom, or I get hungry. (Which is probably why my followers’ feeds will occasionally blow up with my likes (Yes, my lovely followers I am talking to you. Thank you for putting up with me!)
Excuse that little rant, but back to my original point: a lot of what is posted is relatable, because we live these lives and are told that these are the types of lives we should be living, as women. And as entertaining as they may be, they are still a source of objectification of women.
Guys, just don’t compare us on any level.
Please note that this post was targeted for guys to read, so I only took into account the woman’s perspective of each issue. If you would like me to cover the opposite side, I’d be willing, just comment below.
As always thank you for reading. I hope you learned something, or at least more aware of various subjects, regarding women.